Catherine Black - Patient Relative

"I arrived at Hospice whilst dad was being transferred and was immediately surrounded by love and comfort. When dad arrived he received just the same."

I grew up on the Isle of Man and had my first experience of Hospice in summer 1989 when I spent my 4-week elective placement there as a student nurse whilst undertaking my nurse education in Sheffield. When I returned to the island in 2000 I took up a post as senior sister on the inpatient unit for 3 years, and I became a Hospice governor in 2022. So, Hospice IOM has always been important to me.

In August 2024 my wonderful dad Keith Oxenforth developed a chest infection which didn’t respond to antibiotics.  He progressively got worse and one morning I dialled 999 and he was taken to Nobles. As his breathing got worse and lump was found in his throat, he was taken to ITU to be sedated and ventilated as he was getting so tired trying to breathe.

After 2 weeks on ITU, many tearful conversations, and support from the Hospice nurse consultant, he was transferred to Hospice.  The wonderful ambulance crew even transferred him via the nursing home my mum is in so they could see each other and spend some time together.

I arrived at Hospice whilst dad was being transferred and was immediately surrounded by love and comfort. When dad arrived he received just the same. The nurses and doctor were with him, making him comfortable in bed, checking his symptoms and ensuring he had everything that he needed. They kept me up to date with what was happening whilst I waited in a lounge, and as soon as he was ready, I went to see him.

He was sitting in bed looking like dad. No tubes, no machines going beep, just peace and calm. He had been given medication to ensure that he was comfortable and was reassured that he could have more if he needed it.  We talked as much as he could and had the time, space and support to say what was needed.  We laughed and we cried. The staff were close by but left us alone to be together, but the reassurance of knowing they were there was wonderful. The atmosphere was relaxed and we held hands, and dozed. Staff popped in and kept an eye that all was okay but left us to have precious time together.

I stayed at Hospice that night in one of the upstairs bedrooms.  The reassurance that I was close by, the trust that dad was in excellent hands and that the nurses would get me if there was a problem meant that I slept, and dad did too.  In the morning I went down to his room again and snuggled up in a chair next to him listening to his favourite music. Again, the staff were there but not at all intrusive. Just supportive and kind.

Dad died peacefully and gently 24 hours after being admitted to Hospice. We were given all the time we needed to say goodbye before we left him. I have been on the other side many times but had never truly appreciated the full impact that the staff and the place offer until that 24 hours. Everyone I met was special – volunteers, cleaners, nurses, doctors - and they will always have a place in my heart, and I thank them for making that time all it could possibly be. It was a sad time, but I remember it with a degree of happiness for the peace it gave to my dad, myself and my family. It will always be special to me.